ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
