i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Randomize
