go do what you do best...puke behind churches
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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