The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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