Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
