He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
