these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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