capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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