Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
