I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
