Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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