"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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