he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
