She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
