I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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