Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
