If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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