batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
