i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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