i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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