my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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