morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
should my penis look like a turkey
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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