weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
