I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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