She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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