Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
