It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize