I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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