Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
