it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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