currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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