Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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