yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
