I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
