We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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