You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize