We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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