It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
