you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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