I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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