why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
