I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
