"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
