my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
