She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You can't motorboat a personality
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
