It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
