John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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