It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
