Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
