I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
