You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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