At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
