i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
