i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
