I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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