I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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