I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Welp...herpes.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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