jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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