I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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