Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
