I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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