I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
