No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
