He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
