I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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