I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
