Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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