Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
