alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
