Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
