Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize