I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
