Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
