i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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