So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
