The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
