the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize